It was a glare that could burn a thousand souls. Staring into his beautiful beady brown eyes, she thought her heart would harden and turn to stone. Standing before her was the man who gave her heart a reason for beating for the last four years. Very few people believed they would marry their high school sweethearts, but Shante´ was truly one of the believers. She just knew that their love would last more than a thousand forevers. It was supposed to last infinity times infinity. But with every flap of his lips, it was like he pierced daggers through her body bleeding her to death with each word.
“The fuck you crying for man? I told you this shit weeks ago. After graduation, I was gonna wanna do me, Shante´. You weren’t listening… Again.” Hakim turned his dark navy blue New York cap from forward to backwards.
The dry summer air crept hauntingly down Shante´’s neck. She tried to keep cool and calm but her nerves were wearing thin on her. It forced her armpits to become more moistened than usual. Her palms were just as soaked and her breathing quickened, wondering what the hell she could say or do to make him reconsider being with her. This man had been her life for the past four years and in the blink of an eye he was trying to rip it all away like a worn Band-Aid. Shante´ wanted so desperately for this day not to be real. It was all some weird dissociative nightmare she couldn’t wake up from.
“Hakim, we’ve been together since freshman year. I’ve given you every part of me and then some. How you just gonna do me like this?” Shante´ sobbed.
“Man, I told you that I wasn’t going to college on a full ride football scholarship still dating you man. I kept saying it, been saying it for the last seven months but you hear what you wanna hear. I wanna be a free agent, you feel me? It’s gon’ be way too many bitches out there on my dick for me to be tied down to just one.” Hakim bellowed. “We too young for this serious shit anyway.”
“Look, that shit was cute in high school but it’s over now. What was graduation like two weeks ago? That was kid shit. We done, Shante´. Plus I heard you was checkin’ out Rizzo the entire time anyway.” Hakim slapped his palms together angrily as he spat to emphasize his point.
“What? I ain’t never tried to come at Rizzo and you know that. The fuck I look like trying to come at your best fucking friend, Hakim.” Tears strolled quickly down her chubby almond tinted cheeks. “Just please don’t do this shit to us.”
Shante´ pressed her hand amorously against his bare sweaty birdcage chest. His tall thin physique hovered over her average height frame. The abstract design carved into his hair was so sick. She loved how creative he got with his haircuts. The sun made Hakim’s golden brown skin glisten against the light. The wind brushed up against his long navy blue basketball shorts revealing his impressive package to her once more. It would undoubtedly be the last time she caught a glimpse of it. Shante´ shook her head lowering it to the ground feeling like her entire world had come crumbling down. She brought her eyes back up locking her saddened gaze with his unwavering one.
“Us? Ain’t no us, Shante´. Get that through your damn head, alright. Stop calling my motherfucking phone. Don’t come by my house and stop tryna get my momma on your side cause that shit’s dead too. We done. Don’t you get it? We done.”
Hakim pimped away bouncing his basketball leisurely. His Mexican friend Rizzo shot over to him from the neighboring house as they walked away. He acted like he was giving them privacy when in actuality he was listening in. Rizzo smirked devilishly back at Shante´ as if he was pleased with how the whole scene played out. She knew he had to have something to do with Hakim breaking up with her. Rizzo did come to her last week and told her that Hakim wasn’t going to be as nice about breaking up as he was all the other times. But she honestly took it as a joke since he was always saying off the wall stuff like that.
Moments later, her sister Tash along with her friend Jewel and Tash’s boyfriend, Kappa pulled up right as Shante´ was drying her sorrow from her cheeks. She might have been able to conceal what was wrong with her from everyone else but Tash of all people would know exactly what was wrong with her. In the last few weeks leading up to graduation, they had become estranged as sisters with Jewel hanging around more since Jewel’s mother died and left her a pretty penny in cash to live off of.
“What’chu doin’ out here? Reading on the porch again?” Tash asked as the group walked up.
“No, I was just talking to Hakim. He just left,” Shante´ replied.
“Oh yeah. I thought I saw him walking down the street. Y’all ain’t kickin’ it tonight?” Jewel asked bringing her hand up to her hip.
Shante´ hated Jewel with a passion. She always thought she was better than the people she hung around. She never understood why someone would be around people whom they thought was less significant than themselves. It was only out of respect for her sister that she even tolerated Jewel. Men loved her with her thicker than a snicker thighs, round pop out booty, smooth butter pecan skin and long flowing weave. But Shante´ would’ve rather seen her at the bottom of a lake somewhere.
Side eyeing Jewel and blowing out an exasperated sigh, Shante´ looked up at her sister giving her the eye that she usually gave her when Jewel said something stupid to her. Rather than answer her, Shante´ turned her attention to the man sitting in the passenger side seat of Kappa’s car. He sparked up a blunt seemingly uninterested in the conversation near the porch. His ebony skin caught her attention as well as his pulled back dreads. Something about him intrigued her but she couldn’t put her finger on it. If she knew anything about the type of people her sister and Kappa hung around though, she knew he was probably no good.
“I knew you were out here reading.” Tash pointed to the Aesop Fables book on the steps as she headed into the house. “I guess books are like sex to you huh lil’ sis.”
“Aye, nigga. I told you not to light that shit in my car man,” Kappa yelled to his friend as he angrily got out of the car. Kappa turned back toward Shante´. “So how you been, Te´.?” Kappa asked in a softened tone.
“I’m good.” Shante´ sat down on the steps returning to the page she left off on inside her book.
“Graduated Summa Cum Laude of your class huh? Now that’s impressive. So what you gonna do with that?” He asked.
“Probably gonna study to be an old maid who lives in a shoe with her books and cats,” Jewel chuckled hard as hell.
Shante´ shot a hateful eye over towards her wishing it would burn a hole in Jewel’s twisted laughing face. Each moment that passed allowed Shante´’s hatred to grow and fester for her. Jewel didn’t give a fuck what came out of her tall lanky bodied mouth. She thought she would be the next Naomi Campbell someday and figured she would act the part.
She wasn’t even all that pretty to Shante´ though. The only thing that made her look even remotely good was the mountains of makeup she piled on her face to hide the many blemishes that caked her skin. Her eyes were a dark brown and if it weren’t for the fact that she loved working out, she wouldn’t even have the muscle firm booty to match her extra large tits. Still, she pulled all the boys because her thin waist and wide hips drove them crazy.
“Go to hell with a sick dick in your mouth. How about that, Jewel?” Shante´ clapped back. She was never one to take bullshit from anyone, no matter how nerdish she was.
“Geez, I was only jerking ya panties a little. Don’t get ‘em all in a bunch just cause you ain’t get no dick last night.” Jewel flipped her long blonde weave. “Oops. That’s right. You a fresh 18 and still a baby, huh lil’ Te´?”
It took everything for Shante´ not to leap off the porch and grab Jewel by her long giraffe like throat. Tash came back out just in time to catch the silent tension in the air. She knew some ignorant shit was said but cared not to inquire about it. Shante´ was never the favorite amongst the crowd for her bookworm ways and Tash never felt the need to take up for her for that. As the years went on they just grew so far apart.
They each had totally different plans in life, which conflicted with them holding a close nit relationship with one another. Part of the reason was because she was a bit jealous that they were sisters by blood and she didn’t inherit any of the smartness that was passed down. Being adopted by white parents, they never knew what they got from their real mother or father and why.
“Aye, can I smoke wit’ you?” Tash asked ignoring the stiffness, heading over towards Kappa’s friend.
Jewel caught Shante´ eyeing the man like he was a tasty morsel on a dinner platter. “Uh un, honey. Sway’s all mine baby. Slide that tongue back inside your little hungry ass mouth.”
“Awe damn. You and Sway is like that already? It’s only been a few days.” Kappa called her out making Shante´ snicker at the same time. “Shit the man just got out a few months ago and you already sinkin’ your teeth in him huh?”
“It doesn’t matter. Nobody denies all this ass.” Jewel made a circular motion with her hand around her ass before heading in Sway’s direction. “He ain’t checkin’ for no little girl shit anyway.”
Kappa turned back towards Shante´ wondering if she was going to respond to Jewel’s taunt. She didn’t. In fact she just stood there watching as Jewel hung all on Sway’s tatted up arm like she was a damn orangutan. It disgusted Shante´ so much that small chunks of the sandwich she had earlier in the form of vomit nearly rose in the back of her throat.
“Aye, don’t sweat that shit.” Kappa playfully punched her shoulder. “She’ll never be able to pull a real man like you can. But you lookin’ mighty hard at him though.”
“Huh? Awe naw. I mean I was just looking that’s all. He looks different from the last time I saw him. Cleaner. Anyway, I don’t even know him and I’m for damn sure not checkin’ for no ex-jailbird.”
Kappa smirked knowing that her gaze on him was deeper than that but decided to leave it alone. Without another word, he walked off headed for the group and directing them all to get back into the car. As they pulled off, Sway seemed to move in slow motion as he locked eyes with Shante´. She panicked not knowing if she should look away or play it cool. A slight smile crept across Sway’s face shooting her a wink as well as they drove off.
Shante´ thought nothing of it though. Sway gave her a creepy stalker type of vibe. The only thing men wanted fresh out of prison was pussy and she wasn’t the one to give him hers. But Jewel was wrong about one thing. She hadn’t been a virgin since her birthday, which happened to be her prom night as well. To be honest, it wasn’t as great as everyone made it out to be. It wasn’t like she was missing much of anything.
Books were better than sex for her. Still, Shante´ knew that deep down inside her brain was the reason why she lost Hakim. If she were more like Jewel, she bet he would be drooling at her feet and pawning his momma’s electronics to get her an engagement ring. She was broken over him but Shante´ refused to fight over someone who didn’t want to be kept. She chucked her head up to the sky allowing thoughts of better days swim through her mind. Instead of dwelling on his loss, she picked her book back up opening to the page she left off from.
1 Year Later
Kappa admired the curve of her salacious frame as she lay sleeping heavenly. The corners of his lips curled up slightly smiling while she slept. Her figure cradled into his body turned him on with the quickness. Unable to resist the temptation any longer, his hands gently caressed her plumped backside squeezing and massaging firmly. It was a massage so good that it would stir any woman up out of her sleep.
Blessed with the drippings of a sex God, Kappa’s touch alone could give a woman chills up and down her spine. She responded immediately to the way his hands felt against the silk of her almond shaded skin. She was used to him waking her from many deep sleeps so today was no different. The heaviness of Kappa’s breathing embraced the back of her neck making her giggle a little. She loved having him wrapped up under her. It was one of the things that made her heart flutter whenever she thought of him. Her love nest was stirred by the incessant chiming of the alarm screeching from his phone.
“Ugh, cut it off already Kappa,” Shante´ begged wondering why it disturbed them.
“Damn, I’ve gotta go.” Kappa removed the blanket from his thighs breaking free from their romantic nook.
“Where you gotta go baby? Climbin’ back inside this pussy?” She crooned as her fingertips eagerly roamed every crevice of muscles on his chest
“I should, shouldn’t I? Naw but for real, I’ve gotta go though.” Kappa’s dreamy brown eyes sealed with hers. “Don’t look like that. We’ll see each other a little later.”
“Later when, Kappa? Every time you leave, you be gone for days or weeks even. I just miss you like crazy when you’re gone, baby.” Sadness consumed her facial expression.
“Me too baby. But I’ll be back babe. I promise.”
Standing behind him, his six-foot frame towered over her. His caramel skin felt as soft as butter the more she pressed her cheek into it, hugging him like she never wanted to let go. Her hands moved downward to his seven-inch dick noticing that it was still slightly erect for her. Shante´ moved around to face him, feeling the courage to tell him he wasn’t going anywhere but immediately grew weak once she looked into his eyes.
Kappa’s big dark brown eyes told her that he loved her the most but something inside of her had doubts. His well trimmed goatee and fine thin beard sent chills up and down her spine every time she looked at him. She was a sucker for a man with a well tapered beard and low cut like his. He was the epitome of a young athlete even and at 26 years old he most definitely could’ve been. Her pussy began to throb in her panties as his full pillowy lips gently pecked hers.
Kappa stared down upon her removing a stray tendril of hair from her eyes. A smile crept across his lips pleased with her beauty. Her semi slanted dark brown eyes made him bite his bottom lip. Her skin was like buttermilk and with every touch it made his dick hard. From her average 5’5” build to her perky C cups and tight round booty, he adored her on so many levels.
He adored that she wore her natural shoulder length hair flatly pressed out with a Chinese cut bang in the front. It was her signature style that looked cute with her oval shaped face. At 185 pounds she was far from fat but had some trouble areas that she would’ve liked to work on if only working and keeping up with her college courses at Robert Morris College weren’t so demanding. If it weren’t for her slightly pudgy belly and cellulite thighs, she would have looked like those thick video chicks Kappa often fantasized himself being with one day.
“Aye, we’ll see each other later okay?”
For some reason, it was all beginning to sound like a lie to her. Shante´ was well aware of their fucked up circumstances, but she just knew that once he professed his love to her that it would all change. She didn’t care about being the side chick at first. It was a thrill to sleep with the forbidden and the sneaking around was like a seductive game that they played.
When she was still in high school, Tash and Kappa would be up there all the time hanging out. Since Tash had graduated the year before, she was always up there boasting in front of the upperclassmen how great it was to be out of school and living the life. She also wanted to throw what kind of man she had in the girls’ faces who envied her when she was a senior. Kappa would often wear his work uniform up there even when he wasn’t working to make himself look so important. Rather than walk home, Shante´ would hitch a ride with them when they were there. Kappa gave her his number to call him whenever she needed anything.
So after Hakim ditched her on prom night, she called Kappa to come pick her up so no one would tease her about being home too early and not having any fun. He took her out to IHop where they had burgers and talked and laughed the night away. Before she knew it, they were in a hotel room and Kappa was thrusting her virginity away. At first the heated love affair felt like nothing more than the sweetest secret they could ever share. But the more time went by, the more he started to change on her. As her feelings heightened, his diminished leaving her feeling like her time was almost up.
Before she knew it she had launched a vase full of the freshly cut white roses with pink tips he had just bought her right at his head. Shante´ always allowed her anger to get the best of her, to consume her when she less likely needed it to. It was something she tried her best to control but whenever Kappa fucked up and pushed her buttons, she became a ticking time bomb.
“Aye, I told you about that shit. Calm your stupid ass down, Shante´.” Kappa slipped his white tank over his torso.
“You said you wasn’t still fucking her, Kappa. You said you were done with her and that once the baby was born we were finally going to get married. But she had a miscarriage 2 months ago. So why the fuck are you still there with her?”
“I know what I said and I’m not fucking her,” he replied nonchalantly.
“So why can’t you just tell her the truth and leave her alone if you’re not still fucking her?”
“I don’t know alright,” Kappa roared turning his back to her. “The shit’s complicated. But I meant what I said to you babe. I love you.”
She lowered her head allowing all the times he had hurt her to replay like an old movie picture in her mind. It was hard for Shante´ to fathom the thought of leaving him and letting her sister win. He was hers and just because one weak night left his bitch pregnant didn’t mean Shante´ couldn’t have her fairy tale ending with the man she loved. But the baby was gone now. He shouldn't still be playing house. Kappa was making her forever with him more and more a distant memory everyday. His phone began buzzing again on the nightstand near the bed. She raced to its beckoning.
“What the fuck you on man?” Kappa snatched the phone as her belly plopped down on the bed before she could reach it.
“Is that her? That’s her, isn’t it?”
“Naw, you buggin’, Shante´.” Kappa silenced the phone and stuffed it down in his pants pocket.
“I can’t do this shit no more. You’re not about to be sleeping with her and me and whomever else you choose to stick your dick in. I’m sick of this shit nigga. I gave you all of me and a whole damn year of my life and this is what you do to me?”
Kappa let out an infuriated sigh. He felt a little guilty having promised her the world and never truly having any intentions on committing to her. But he had been with his baby’ mama longer and had promised her the world too. He loved Tash more than life itself but there was something about Shante´ that he just couldn’t let go of. Tash stressed him out so much that he contemplated leaving her but was on the fence as to if he could actually do it. Then her phone rang.
His eyes darted over to hers. “Don’t answer it.”
If looks could kill he would’ve been dead a million times. She ignored the phone’s beckoning as she headed over to him wrapping her arms around his waist interlocking her fingers behind him. Shante´ allowed her tongue to slip inside of his mouth to tango with his. He obliged her, grabbing her plumped round booty in his hands giving a nice firm squeeze before planting a playful smack on the left cheek. The tingle of pain sent a bolt of pleasure to her clit.
“Don’t start nothin’. You’ll never get out of here if you do.” Shante´ retreated back to the playful manner that attracted him to her in the first place.
“Shit, you know I don’t mind being late for you.” He licked his lips sensually, allowing the thought of not leaving enter his mind.
“It don’t seem like you really wanna leave either.” Shante´ reached down in between in his thighs for the bulge growing in between.
Both of their phones seemed to interrupt their flow as Kappa broke away from her grasp. He walked around the room picking up the remainder of his clothes from off the floor sliding them on as quickly as possible. Shante´ knew there time together had ended from the moment he slipped his shoes on. She bounced onto the bed giving up trying to fight his departure. She snatched her favorite lipstick off the nightstand and gently spread it across the body of her lips. Playing in makeup was the one thing that made her feel happy when she was sad. She waited for him to leave as she pouted her lips and crossed her arms like a spoiled brat.
“Awe, you gon’ miss me babe?” He smirked loving her babyish ways.
“Whatever. Just go. She needs you.”
Kappa moved closer to her removing more stray tendrils of hair from her eyes. He admired the love she felt for him. He wasn’t able to return the same to her but he knew that with him being her first, she would always remain loyal to him. He never had to worry about her giving his pussy away and even though she threatened to leave him when she got mad, he wasn’t in danger of her actually following through with it.
“Don’t be like that. You hear me?” He used his index finger to pick her chin up from her chest and plant a single sweet kiss on her full luscious Meet Matte Hughes Adoring coated lips.
He followed it up by trailing soft tiny pecks down her neck as her hands roamed his tall medium muscular build. They made their way up to his low haircut before pulling his head away from hers. She focused on his almond shaped eyes and it was at that moment that she realized she might not ever get the picture perfect love that she wanted out of him. Shante´ ran her fingertips gently across his neatly trimmed beard and licked her lips as they traveled across his. She studied his honey complexion and immediately her auburn panties grew moist.
Kappa moved in again forcing his way past her hands back to her neck. This time his teeth met with her skin biting down with such passion, making sure to send the pain and pleasure that she was used to. He knew she loved that shit. It was a sensual erogenous area that always broke her down and made her submit to him. Even though Kappa had been the only man she had ever slept with, she knew that he had taught her things about her body she never knew existed. Slapping her on her ass, he backed away careful not to break too far away.
“I’ll text you later. Aight?”
“Yeah,” Shante´ said cutting her eyes over to her phone on the adjacent nightstand in a last ditch effort not to become overly emotional once he walked out the door.
Once he was gone, she sighed deeply and moved over to grab her phone checking the missed call log. She pressed the name on the screen so the phone could automatically dial the call she missed. The phone rang over and over before she finally hung up. If there was one thing she hated, it was leaving messages. She hated the way her voice sounded when it was recorded. Refusing to call back, she opted to send a text message instead. As she was typing, a call came through.
“Yeah,” she answered.
“You alone? Can you talk?”
“Yeah, what’s up?”
“Hmph, I’m surprised your bed isn’t filled this morning,” Tashina snickered a bit.
“You got jokes, Tash?”
“Naw. I’m just saying. You’re always bringing a nigga home from the club. You’ve gotta stop that baby. Mama and daddy raised you better than that.”
“Hmph. Well, what’s up though?” Shante´ rolled her eyes in disgust.
“Girl you know this nigga didn’t come home last night, right?” Tashina went dead in without hesitation. “We had a big fight last night and then he called me selfish and hung up in my face.”
“Naw. What? Girl bye,” Shante´’s sarcasm rang throughout her words.
Tashina was genuinely a nice person but just like Shante´, she was spoiled rotten. The only thing was that Tashina often took her shit to a higher level, only thinking of herself and her feelings when it came to certain situations. Still, if asked of her Tash would give the shirt off her back no questions asked. She was kind hearted that way. She and Shante´ may not have had the best relationship, but she kept in touch with her since she was the only blood she had ever known.
“Really Shante´? So you’re saying I’m selfish?” Tash asked sort of angry at her comment.
“Look, all I’m saying is that sometimes you’ve gotta let a man be a man. You smothering him when he’s trying to do him ain’t gon’ do nothing but continuously push him away, Tashina.”
“Look at lil’ sis tryna kick some game. Well anyway, all that’s fine and all but what about when him being a man hurts my damn feelings? All I want him to do is man up and fucking marry me. Is that too much to ask?” She began to sob.
“Yeah, especially when he isn’t ready to.”
“Well he needs to be ready to. I’m ready to start a family damn it. Our money is right, my beauty supply is thriving and I’m about to open another store next month and we just bought this big ol’ house in Buffalo Grove last week. I thank momma and daddy everyday for helping me get my business off the ground last year so I could help put the down payment on the house with Kappa. If I had known he wasn’t on the fast track like I was, I wouldn’t have even let him sign his name on the fucking deed,” Tash puffed.
“You let him sign the deed? Girl is you stupid? Unless that nigga got a ring on your finger, you don’t make no major moves like that. What’s wrong with you?” Shante´ said.
“Ugh, I just thought that would push him in the right direction. Plus he did sign the loan papers too. Shit, it’s been 4 years, Shante´. This is the type of stuff we’re supposed to be doing anyway. He said he would marry me when we first met so what’s the difference now?”
“The difference is you’re not a junior in high school and he’s not in college anymore. You say plenty of things when you’re young, Tash. But now that y’all older and he’s finally getting settled with the department, maybe y’all should just kick back and enjoy life for a while first,” Shante´ insisted.
“How long does this nigga need, Te´? I’m 21 years old. I ain’t getting no younger. Not to mention…”
“What?” Shante´ paused. “Tell me.”
“I’m pregnant, Shante´.”
An eerie death like silence breezed through the phone before Shante´ released a faint whimper.
“W-well that’s a good thing right? Why are you crying, Tash? Don’t cry, okay?” Shante´ tried to console her through a crackling voice. “So, does he know?”
“I’m not crying. I’m just hurt. And, yeah he knows but it doesn’t seem like he’s too happy about it.”
“Well it’s still a shock. Maybe he just needs some time for it to settle in, Tash. I’m saying, y’all just had that fatal blow with the miscarriage and the ones before it still sting too. Now this.”
“I just can’t understand why he’s acting so crazy. I mean one minute he acts like he loves me and the next he doesn’t. And, besides that one moment of weakness with the maintenance man at our old place, I have been nothing but faithful to him.”
“Well maybe he just can’t get over that, Tash. Think about it.”
“Shit, it ain’t like I’m bed hopping like you. He should be grateful that I’m damn near wholesome for him.” There it was, that selfish shit. Tash didn’t even think about how her words would make Shante´ feel. Sensing the awkward silence, Tash immediately changed the subject. “You going over to the big house for Sunday dinner tonight? You missed the last 2 weeks and daddy has been pissed.”
“Maybe…” Truth was, Shante´ was tired of being judged every time she walked through the door so she really wasn’t feeling it. Her adoptive parents were seemed to focus more of their attention on Tash than they did Shante´. They felt like Tash needed them more than she did. Parents always paid more attention to the weaker ones than the stronger ones. Living with them only reminded her that she wasn't the favorite child, so she got a work study job to help pay for her off campus dorm, saved up, and moved out as soon as she could. “Aye, call me later. I’ve gotta jump in the shower.”
Before she could let her reply, Shante´ hung up the phone. She tossed it behind her on the bed then headed for the master bathroom. Her parent’s house was always full of their extended family that always had something to say about why she hadn’t settled down or found a good husband yet.
She was only 19 and they were already pushing the ‘go to college to find a husband’ mantra. She was sick of it, like it was a crime to be single and successful in this day and age. Her college education was actively ongoing but even if she wanted to get married, the person she loved was spoken for. If anyone of her family came at her wrong tonight with their questions, she was ready to go dead in on them with no remorse.