Ethan Christie sat there looking almost nonchalant whilst floating in the air, his feet three inches above the ground, staring so intensely while at the same time keeping his emotions still. He knew if he wasn’t focused the energy would move his body to another place, and right now all he wanted was to stay right here in this beautiful garden where he remained afloat.
But he knew he had to leave. He had to leave this heaven; this ethereal thread of beauty, that had layer upon layer of mystery and beauty imbued with fluid energy encrypted with new doors to spheres everywhere; and the knowing of who you were revealed but always obtaining more, not quite still. There were deeper mysteries always to follow with the self and world. But now like his death once before, Ethan had no choice but to surrender to it. Now it was another death. He had to leave this heaven and return to the human world where he knew he would forget this heavenly house. It would become the unknown house of heaven again, only the faintest of memory would be his until years from now this heaven would appear again to him after another human death.
Ethan wanted to stay longer, just a little more but time wouldn’t wait and he had to go. The gods above said he had to go, the universe too. And in this moment Ethan felt rejection run through him. It felt like he was been ejected from heaven.
In nine months time he will be born again on earth to a family he will choose. But Ethan feels it’s hardly a choice, he doesn’t want to go and he doesn’t want the family he previously chose. Yet a karmic tie needs to be fulfilled and he must go to unravel what was before and give him the clean slate.
Ethan looked at his guardian angel, Bella. He cried a tear, it was deep and she could taste it.
“You are not alone, Ethan,” she said.
“I love you forever,” he replied.
Then they met mid-air and she hugged him with all her might and when Ethan looked into her eyes he saw love and also the path ahead. There was the path and the many possibilities. Life could change fast with a poor choice. There was destiny, choices and other humans to contend with. Be with the heart and all will be fine. Bella would be with him, she always was.
Then the moment came, the light shone through, it was time, his moment to be conceived and off Ethan went. As he flew off into the open space the goddesses came out and shone their love. They came forward and enlarged their presence. They were big and Ethan could feel it. Just as Ethan dipped away he gave a quick glance back and despite his trepidation, he had a slight, quirky smile that faintly emerged to all who watched his departure. The gods knew he would be okay; he was cheeky and even in his anguish of leaving his home, the child-like smile remained. Ethan would be just fine they all knew. This would be his last life on earth, not always an easy journey.
~ CHAPTER ONE ~
Your first breath, touch, and noise of this world, but it isn’t really, but it is. The first time again feels uniquely surreal and familiar to the senses. It’s an entrance to a world mapped out for you if only you can remember.
The hospital drawers next to the bed had three rings placed on them. They belonged to the nurse who had removed them from her hand a few hours earlier, and they sat there glittering from the rays that shone upon them from the window. They would be the first objects Ethan would notice when he came out. On top of the drawers was an old fashion alarm clock. It showed the date 07-04-2026.
He took his first breath, then cried and as the doctor lifted him into the air to place him into his cubicle he saw the three rings glittering and it sparked his memory of his life before. The beauty, the sun, his death in his last life, the ambience of it all came flooding into the child that was Ethan. That memory would flow in, and although it may flow out, it was always destined to return. We remember, then forget, then remember again. Some deep memories just flow like a river and remind children how special they really are.
As Ethan lay in his cubicle he remained alert. Before his arrival, he knew he had to stay connected to himself and not to the other people around him. He was going to stay in his own truth, not the fear and baggage of others but remain the pure essence that he was. He was not going to allow the energy of others to plug into him. He came from the light and he was going to stay connected to the source and be the light within.
Moments later Ethan was placed into his mother’s arms. The mother in this life was not his spiritual mother. He was 30 minutes old. Born into a catholic family where he would be reminded that he was born in sin, destined for heaven or hell and this would be his one and only life. And he would be judged on it and then be forever in hell or heaven. Well, as the story goes.
Ethan looked up at his mom. She looked down with pride and love at her newborn. He was quite angelic in his appearance and as Ethan looked at his mom he kind of wanted to say, ‘what?’
Because that was the soul talking, just how did I end up here with you? The paradox of it all, the challenge, the mystery, the path, the anguish, all mixed into a paradigm that makes no sense but delivers all to its magical conclusion. We choose our family Ethan would hear later in life, and that his soul knew, but sometimes it all seemed too human to say that. Because all Ethan really wanted was to be with Elisabeth, the goddess woman who would forever be his spiritual and earthly mother. His mother in this life was Mrs. Taylor. Ethan knew this family. Past karmic ties brought him here to finish off old stuff. Ethan had spent time with the Taylors as a seven-year-old in his last life. It was hell then, but now with a blood tie, it had the possibility to be easier this time around. Ethan wanted to have the same name as his past life and had purposely planted the idea and name into his birth mother's consciousness; all the time insisting, until she finally decided when he was born that he was going to be called Ethan.
Ethan arrived at his new home at the Taylor’s place. Ethan was carried into the house and awaiting him was his new family. All his older siblings were looking forward to seeing what the new addition was going to be like.
Even as a baby Ethan’s senses could pick up on the vibe of the place. He felt safe with his new mom but his senses felt trepidation when he was in the same room with his siblings. They were all going to grow not to like him, and that judgment had already started.
There were four older sisters and two older brothers. Ethan knew them all from his previous life when he had to stay with them as a seven-year-old. They were assholes then and nothing had changed.
When a newborn arrived home Mrs. Taylor would always get the siblings to hold the child. So they all had their turn. They held Ethan looking down on him. Their intuition sensed he was unique and this prompted them to put up their guard; like in his last life, they were being taught early on to survive at any cost and to try and get what they could. Manipulation and lying to get ahead were what they were learning. Their main stance was, what can I get out of this? They would never do anything for love; there had to be a gain in it for themselves or they simply wouldn’t go there. As the oldest girl Dorothy held Ethan she wondered what she would gain from Ethan being around. She realized it would be nothing, deciding that he was trouble.
As Ethan grew into a one-year-old his siblings started to notice the special treatment he seemed to get. People warmed to him, and in his sister's eyes, he looked stroppy and unappreciative. Of course, Dorothy had already decided from their first meeting that he was a threat and she didn't like him. The others felt the same. Even at such a young age, they had discovered the emotion of hate. It was trickling into them now and their hatred of Ethan was starting to creep in.
Ethan, being the youngest and amongst the girls, seemed to get a lot of attention from his parents but also from guests of the family who would visit. His sisters didn’t like the attention he was getting.
Ethan as a young child could feel the conflict in the home. His mother and father loved him but with the others’ he could feel their dislike, and the hate and danger emanating from his siblings. Within all this, Ethan felt the strength and the light within him. Even as a toddler he felt protected. His sisters could sense his strength and they loathed it. Ethan was confident where they were insecure. One time Dorothy screamed at Ethan as he sat in his highchair. She threw things in the air just missing him; then she ran up to him screaming. Ethan just faced her staring ahead. He was only two years of age and she was around 11. Dorothy justified her actions because Ethan had thrown a piece of apple towards her as she walked by. Ethan found it funny, but Dorothy didn't, and now she was trying to bully him. But even when experiencing her almost violent manner, Ethan felt safe. He knew his strength would get him through. His angels were close by. An angel that was protecting him watched from above and inspired Mrs. Taylor to stop Dorothy from getting any closer to Ethan. Dorothy took delight doing what she did but Ethan at a young age could handle it. It was his last life and he knew his love and strength would master this final time. The more light a soul had, the more it could handle, and Ethan could handle a lot.
Often children at a young age can feel a lot of strength, power, and a lot of love for themselves because it is not too long since they had all that in heaven. So with Ethan feeling special at such a young age, he was feeling his birthright, his soul, and what he knew from only a few years ago when he left heaven. Often this knowledge could get drummed out of a child through fear, and put downs, but Ethan could feel he was special and he felt guided. These strengths would get him through, although they would also make his siblings pathologically jealous and would lead them to hate him even more.
The days were peaceful for Ethan as his siblings went out for the day and he was left with just his mother. She would clean and sing and do general housework. She really loved Ethan, but at night time when Ethan slept and his siblings ran amok, she would start to listen to the lies they told. Every night she would stick up for Ethan as they would all try and quietly put him down; giving soft whispers and hints that perhaps, after all, Ethan was actually quite evil.
~ CHAPTER TWO ~
For the first five years of Ethan's life, he was fairly happy. He managed independence from his siblings. They fought a lot but Ethan would always stick up for himself. His sisters would pick on him and when he reacted they would tell a completely different story to their mom and dad. The end result was the perception that Ethan was a naughty, difficult child. But Ethan’s siblings wanted to take it to another level. Despite all the troubles they were giving him he still seemed to be spoilt in their eyes and still got too much attention from his parents and the visitors that came to the house. All the visitors liked him for his cuteness and his unique personality while they would often all horde together and not venture out. When the visitors would leave the arguments would start.
Ethan stayed at home a lot and when he went to kindergarten he became extremely shy and didn’t like it much. The kindergarten teacher said he was a loner and had social problems. Ethan just found the change hard and the adaption to the new environment made him withdraw. Within his young body, he still had some feelings of rejection as when he had to leave heaven. The time had rushed upon him and sometimes how the soul felt at that moment could ripple through the child. Leaving his home and going to kindergarten revived that memory and, without really knowing why, he felt unsafe and insecure and therefore was labeled as a loner. Ethan just felt like he had been sent away again and all he could feel was rejection and having to go to a place he didn't really want to go to and in a way that was how he felt when he left heaven. It just came up, he had to leave, he didn't want to go and those feelings from his soul would ripple out, and going to kindy triggered his memories of having to leave a home.
The rejection Ethan felt when he left heaven seemed to remain in his body. He was in a family that he was not connected to. Every day the girls would pick on him and Ethan was starting to get used to fighting every day. The problem for Ethan was that they would pick on him and then make lies about what had happened. Ethan was continually getting told the messages that he was bad, naughty and the word evil was coming out more and more. But he had his mom and dad on his side and that kept some sanity.
Ethan’s mom always stuck up for Ethan and told his siblings to look into his eyes where they would see his love; that made them hate him more. They loathed Ethan and were going to do whatever they could to poison him. They tried hard. Every day they would come up with something. With Ethan not wanting this family and also not really wanting to be there, his behavior started to get worse as he started to rebel.
Life was getting harder and harder for Ethan at his home. He had no friends, siblings that hated him, a father who liked him and mother who liked him also but was also starting to give him a lot of put-downs, and of late taking the side of his siblings.
It was at the height of this craziness that Ethan found his solitude. He used to tell his sisters that he would never like a girl. The girls he had met had been his sisters and he thought he would never like a girl like that. They used to tell him, that he would one day like a girl, but Ethan would disagree.
The solitude came after an argument with his sisters. They went off and told lies as usual and Mrs. Taylor had screamed at him and said he was evil. Ethan walked off and went down the street. He was a free spirit and he wore bare feet as he often did. Something told him to keep walking so he did and he just followed his heart and his angel, as she was leading Ethan where he had to be. Ethan knew he had a guardian angel looking after him. In his last life, it was Bella. At this stage in his life, he had a different angel. Her name was Breeze and her energy was like her name – it flowed like a summer breeze and Ethan could feel it. He could feel the summer. He could feel Breeze and her energy and it made Ethan walk light-footed sometimes because he could feel her and she made him feel loved.
He went around a few corners, down a new path and then he came to a house with a big lawn. There were some kids playing and Ethan watched a ball come to him. It rolled right into his leg, so he picked the ball up. A girl came walking over; she was the same age as Ethan. She had blond hair, quite big lips for a six year old, pouty, cute, red. She was wearing a skirt and Ethan didn’t want to admit it but her legs were so angelic, they were so beautiful and for a moment he didn’t know what was happening to him. Then she looked at him. Ethan had to look away because she made him nervous. The young girl could tell she was making him nervous. This made her feel more attractive. She stood upright, really knowing the beauty she possessed and the truth was she was a beautiful looking child and she knew it and she knew Ethan was shy of her because of it.
“You are a little bit shy around me aren’t you,” she said.
Ethan went to speak but he was finding it a little hard. She was so beautiful and she was making it hard for him to breath. He was clamming up almost, yet at the same time he had the most wonderful feelings and he just wanted to keep looking at her.
He went to speak and gave a faint, cute smile.
“I’m not shy,” he forced himself to say.
She came back fast.
“You are so.”
“I am not.”
“You are so.” Then she gave out a huge laugh.
“Why are you laughing?” Ethan asked.
She didn’t really know. She just loved seeing Ethan. He was so gorgeous and he made her feel something she had never felt before. She laughed again and then said.
“I don’t know why I’m laughing. You make me laugh.” Then she gently placed her hand on Ethan and calmly said, “In a good way.”
When she said it, it felt like an angel was talking to him. She had quite big teeth too which he liked but she was so pretty. Then she was called over by the people she was with and they both had to go. They looked at each other. Both were certain they could read each other thoughts, come back, come back, soon. Please!
“I’ll come back if that’s okay,” Ethan said.
“I knew you were going to say that.”
Then she moved forward put her hand on Ethan and told him firmly but in such a caring way, “Please do.”
She looked intensely at Ethan, almost serious, she looked deep into his green eyes, then lightness overcame her, a smile broke out and she then turned and ran back to her friends. She did a quick turn and giggled and Ethan wondered what had just happened to him. He thought he would never like a girl and now he couldn’t stop thinking about this one who came in and made him love.
When Ethan went to sleep later that night he couldn't stop thinking about the girl he had met. As he lay in his bed he could feel tingles and the excitement of life. He felt alive. He drifted off into his deep sleep and then he dreamt. He dreamt of a woman older than he was. He adored her in the dream. She was so beautiful looking but she was an adult. She only came in for five seconds or so and it was the feeling that she gave Ethan that he could not forget when he awoke. Ethan knew her. Certainly, Ethan's soul did. Ethan's soul was just showing him a soul he loved but was showing her as an adult. The fluidity of time for the soul, could sometimes show dreams of a loved one that you had not yet met or were about to meet or someone from a previous life. All would eventually be unraveled to Ethan.
It was two days after Ethan had met the blond girl down the road when he ventured off again to find her. Ethan could sense the darkness in his family, his intuition was telling him there was stuff brewing, there always was. Ethan's home could have been peaceful and loving if it wasn't for his siblings. His mother cared about him as did his father. When the other siblings were out, life was good but they seemed to circle around the house with their energy in a way to corrupt the love that existed between Ethan and his mom and dad. The reality was it was becoming impossible for Ethan to have a healthy life there. No matter how careful and peaceful and diplomatic he was, there was the hatred of the others’ and that energy was coming closer and closer to him every day. Ethan was really starting to sense it, like black clouds coming in with vitriol in its composition. He knew it and so did his guardian angel; she could sense the danger and something was building up.
So Ethan went wandering off to see the beautiful blond girl down the road. He flowed down the same route, down the road, down a path and then like déjà vu there she was again, just sitting there on a blanket on the lawn, sipping her drink.
Ethan walked over to her. He felt so safe around her. He said hi and sat down.
“You can have a sip of my drink if you like,” she said.
He had a sip and then just looked at her. She looked back at him and into his eyes. She could see some sadness there; his family, the fear and the trouble he had with it all was showing in his eyes. She could see a lot and she felt sad for him and when she looked at Ethan she had so much understanding and compassion. It showed in her stare, and they both sat there staring, reading each others’ energy, thoughts and emotions.
“It’s ok,” she said, “I’m your friend.”
“I know, thank you.”
“And you can come here all the time and be with me so then you don’t need to be with your horrible family.”
Ethan looked at her. How did she know? For a moment he got a little confused between what he thought and what he had said, the human world and the spiritual, and as a kid sometimes it could be a little confusing when they came together. Ethan could sense that she already knew. Had he told her? But he kind of already knew she had just read his thoughts. She could see his confusion and wanted to comfort him.
“I just knew, you never told me, but they are horrible aren’t they?”
“They are. They are mean.”
“And I don’t understand how they could ever be mean to you.” Then she took a big pause and a big breath and said, “because you’re beautiful.”
Ethan’s eyes watered.
“Don’t cry,” she said. She hugged Ethan and he did cry and she held him in her arms then she looked straight into his eyes and he looked into hers. He didn’t care about his tears falling he just wanted to look at her while she was so close to him. She had pouty lips and clear white skin and Ethan adored her more as he looked so closely and they stared just looking into each others’ eyes and their souls going, It’s you! It’s you!
She held his hand. “Tell me your name,” she said. “I need to know.” She knew she would know it when she heard it.
“Beautiful, I knew it would sound like that.”
She gave a dramatic intake of breath and then she laughed.
“My name is Anna.”
“That is beautiful too, I kinda expected you to have a name like that.”
And they laughed. And they kept laughing because in a tough world with a hard family to come into, to find someone so special all one could do was to laugh at the glory within the mayhem. During the chaos, there is often a surprised beauty that comes in.
Anna was also the woman in his dream that he just had. She had turned up in his dream under the image of herself as a 19-year-old in one of her lives.
Everyday Ethan would go off and see Anna. Every night he would go to sleep thinking about her. She was always so kind and understanding towards Ethan and she looked after him. She was compassionate by nature and Ethan felt protected by her. It was like he finally had someone who really loved him and who was on his side. Anna was so young, his age, but Ethan sensed she was really old somehow. He couldn’t explain it but when he looked at her sometimes she just appeared so big, so wise, so old in her beautiful, young body.
The more Ethan went to see Anna, the less he saw of his mother. He didn't need his mother in the same way. The neediness was being removed from him and he had found someone else. Mrs. Taylor was a needy woman and that energy and her neediness had been plugged into Ethan. From the day he was born her neediness had been connected to him. Mrs. Taylor was needy as a child, then as a teenager, a woman and now a mother. She was needy for her husband and she needed her children to need her. It was a circular effect. She could not go to a café by herself, just as most of her children could not. They cared what others thought. They were all needy for company and unable to be alone in this world. At such a young age Ethan's soul was choosing to disconnect from all the hatred and other issues that were been plugged into him by others.
After a baby is born the first thing to occur is all the feelings and emotions of the adults and siblings are plugged into the child. Their baggage can become the child’s. Being an evolved soul, Ethan was not going to allow this, so from early on he was unplugging and staying true and focused to himself, not taking on all the other crap that others were trying to plug into him. The more that energy plugged into him the more he focused on himself so it would not enter. By doing this he would remain within himself. His issues would be his, not other people's emotional baggage being sent to him. So many humans carry other people's baggage. They connect from day one, without ever really knowing it. The new generations coming through were different. They were ancient and were going to help evolve the world and from the moment they were born they were going to stay true to themselves and not be taking on other humans’ baggage and problems. They were staying connected and focused to themselves and to the divine within.
As Ethan moved away from needing his mom and finding love with Anna, he was disconnecting from Mrs. Taylor. This was great for Ethan but Mrs. Taylor was losing something. She felt she was losing her child. She also needed Ethan to need her and this was the tipping point that Ethan's siblings needed. In her vulnerable state, their whispers got louder. Before she would half listen to them but now she was taking it all on.
Ethan no longer needed his mother prompting Mrs. Taylor to fury. She was an angry woman, a bitter woman too. And the love she had felt for Ethan was changing to hate. She would put Ethan down every day. It used to be just his sisters who did so but now it was his mother also. One day Ethan said.
“Do you love me?”
“Don’t be silly.”
“Do you love me?”
She wouldn’t answer and Ethan said, “Well if you do love me, love doesn’t treat someone like that.”
Mrs. Taylor went away and pondered what Ethan had said, but every time Ethan would open up and say something wise she despised him more. He was six, but pure and wise and that caused her to fear without really knowing why. She was a wise, Catholic woman and when her son came out with wisdom she felt threatened. It made her angry and attack Ethan with any blows she could. She was always pretending to love Ethan but her tone and behavior were displaying shades of hate.
All this was making Ethan’s home poisonous. It was toxic and something had to change. It was also causing arguments. The siblings could see what was happening and were quite simply going in for the kill. Their mother was finally going against Ethan. They hated him, they could see how the parents had seemed to favor him and now they were getting the rewards they were seeking. Ethan’s mother was starting to believe what they were all saying – Ethan was evil, he was an evil young boy and he had to go.
The worse it got the more time Ethan spent with Anna. Anna had a lovely family and Ethan would have dinner there sometimes. They would just play together and Ethan just loved being around her. They were boyfriend and girlfriend. They never said it, but they already knew it. She cared for Ethan, loved him and he needed her through this tough time.
It was a sanctuary for Ethan. Anna was her beautiful self and for the small couple of hours of the day that he got to spend with Anna, Ethan was in heaven.
Ethan couldn't explain it but when he looked into her eyes he felt such great love. From the first day he had seen her he adored her. He just loved her so much. He adored her with all his heart. The love was overwhelming. The loved flowed. It was kind. It was unconditional.
Ethan left Anna’s one afternoon. She gave him a hug. She had teary eyes.
“What’s the matter?” he asked.
“Just so sad to see you go.”
“I’ll be back soon.”
They were departing from each other, their souls knew it. She was sad, for although Ethan’s soul knew he would be back again, the boy meant in a day or so, while the soul meant in this lifetime sometime.
Anna had given him so much love that he had never had in this lifetime. And as they hugged and cried, they both were not quite sure of their feelings. All Anna could feel was the departure of Ethan and it pained her. She couldn’t understand it but she just felt great sadness to see Ethan leave today, and as Ethan slipped away, his hand leaving Anna’s, she prayed to God with all her heart for little Ethan to be okay and for them to come together in divine timing. Strong words for a little girl but she was a little girl with an ancient soul and so it was.
The sadness of seeing Ethan depart, that was life on this journey down here on earth; we come together, depart, we reunite; seasons, reasons, lifetimes, and we fall into one of those realms.
Ethan walked off and he felt fear in his heart. Things were brewing, that his senses told him. He looked back at Anna as he left. He ran back to her and ran into her arms.
“I’ll be okay.” Then he just said it, he had to say it so he did.
“I love you.”
Anna smiled, almost laughed and right then her soul emerged and Ethan really noticed it and for a split moment Anna looked like an 18-year-old girl and she said it back.
“I love you, Ethan. I love you!”
Ethan walked backward facing Anna for as long as he could. He kept walking that way, and as he got further away he felt the sadness in his heart and tears rolled down his cheek. Anna was watching Ethan and tears rolled down her cheeks. Then the road bent and Ethan was about to go around the corner. He knew that with the next step he would not see her. Not see her for a while actually. He took the step and her beauty left him the most profound joy and sadness. Her beauty with a departure was almost unbearable for Ethan to fathom or to enter into. He walked the correct way now and Anna's recent energy seemed to be around him like a mist. He knew he would never forget these feelings. It was love and joy. They were departing and the levels of his mind and soul were all intertwined within Ethan. His soul was the most prevalent of these feelings and the soul felt mostly love as he knew he would see her again, but there was still sadness there and the sadness was deep and cutting.
As Ethan walked away his guides knew he was going to need some help. He was leaving love and coming into trouble.
As Ethan walked into his home he felt the eerie feelings of the place. The Taylors had just had a meeting regarding Ethan’s behavior. He could tell something was brewing and it was.
Ethan could just feel something was wrong. The feelings were loud and almost abnormal. He knew he was in danger of some kind.
A few days earlier Ethan had found a praying mantis insect at his front door and he had brought it inside and had it living in his bedroom. His intuition told him it was here to protect him. But as he sat on his bed now, he saw the mantis lying down on a table next to his bed and it was upside down and it was dead. Ethan wanted to cry. It was like the mantis had absorbed all the poison for Ethan; all the hatred from his sisters. The beautiful insect had taken it on and its life force had gone. Ethan put the mantis out the window and into the garden; it deserved to be outside where it came from. As he placed it out the window the mantis fell onto a leaf and it lay there, dead. Its final purpose was done. It came from the source and had returned. Ethan looked at the mantis and thanked it for coming into his life to help him but now it had died. It was a sign also for Ethan of what was coming. And Ethan knew his feelings, they were immense and he knew something was happening. His sisters were doing something that his heart already knew.