See(Trigger warning, this story talks about self harm and depression on the suicidal level It also depicts abuse in the family and shows the life of a person battling depression If you can't handle that please put this book down now, thank you and enjoy.)
Depression, anxiety, insomnia, these are all things that can make life a living hell. A young man by the name of Trenton Haywood had all three of these horrible diseases. Living a life of self hate Trenton arrived at school on a very off day Ignoring almost all of his peers
“Trent, you there buddy?” Kyle says while scarfing down his yummy muffin. Kyle had been Trent’s friend for two years now, ever since Trent talked him off the ledge freshman year. Little did he know Trent needed the same talk that saved his life “Fine be like that, find me at lunch if you decide to come back to Earth.” Kyle said as he left the table
Trent walked through the school with a look of pain and sorrow in his eye. He walked past his class and headed to the restroom to be alone from the public. He entered the restroom and was greeted with the pungent odor of urine and sweaty teens that haven't showered in days.
He closed himself in the only stall with a door on it and proceeded to shuffle through his bag. Eventually finding what he was looking for he pulled out a shiny new razor he recently purchased. Trenton has been battling depression longer than he can remember, the only thing that soothes his suicidal thoughts is the feeling of a razor sliding across his skin.
“Trenton Haywood please report to the front office,” the lady over the intercom said. Trenton sighed and put away his unused razor to make his way to the office. As Trent walked down the empty halls he was reminded of the feeling of loneliness he felt everywhere he went. Trent’s support group consisted of several friends that were always there when he needed them but his selflessness prevented him from asking others for help. Most of his friends didn't know of his depression, most of his breakdowns were committed in privacy and his scars were hidden.
Once arrived at the office he was immediately overwhelmed with the smell of the perfume used by the main secretary who smells like she takes a bath in perfume. “Ahhh Mr Haywood, the counselor wishes to see you in her office right away.”
Trent entered Mrs Baxton’s office, “Trenton, so nice of you to join us This is Mr. Placker, he’s from the University of Oklahoma, he is here to inquire about a short story you submitted last month” Mr. Placker rushes over to shake Trent’s hand and invites him to sit down. “Trenton, I am so happy to finally meet you, I read your story and I can honestly say I have never read something so passionate before, it was like I could feel your emotions springing from the page. You are the winner of this years Teen Writing Contest and you will get a published copy of your story.
Trenton is underwhelmed at the news and brushes it off as it was nothing, “I appreciate getting the chance to meet you Mr Placker but I don't feel I deserve to win your contest and would really like if another student would be able to take the award instead of me.”
Trenton leaves the office without saying another word. The story written for the contest was not his best work and his current feelings are blocking the excitement that built up from the news leaving him with a feeling of emptiness inside. An indescribable pain washed over Trenton causing him to feel broken and paralyzed, this is not the first time he has felt this pain. This pain is usually accompanied with a session of self harm
Trenton didn't have the effort anymore to cut because his energy levels had been depleted. Due to his severe insomnia Trent had not been asleep in over a week and it is really taking a toll on him He leaves to relax in the library.
By the time lunch rolled around his feelings of dread had all but left, feeling unwanted he decided to see the only person that could bring joy to his life. The girl of his dreams, most people would call him crazy for liking her because they said she didn't have the best looks but to him she was the most beautiful girl in the world and her personality was even brighter. He wished he could tell her everything he felt but he knew that would be a mistake and ruin the friendship built between the two.
“Hey Jess, you look pretty rad today,” Trent says as he stumbles to start a conversation. “Bleh, today is going okay, I'm getting a new kitten after school so I'm excited about that What about you? You don't look so good,” Jess asked after she noticed the unusual paleness in Trent’s skin. “I'm doing good” He lied. “I am just really tired I didn't get any sleep last night.” Trent caught himself staring into her beautiful grey eyes and immediately looked away before he became entranced in their magical spell.
The rest of the day went the same as before, and Trent was eager to get home so he could escape from reality in video games. While walking home he felt the urge to leap into the middle of the street and get hit by a car. Unlike every other impulse he had he couldn't submerge this one, Trent leaped into oncoming traffic only to have a car come to a squealing halt. Out of the car stepped none other than Jess, she sprinted over and bonked Trent on the head, “You idiot you could have gotten yourself killed, what were you thinking?” Trent, not wanting to expose his depressive secret to Jess, lied, “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, I accidentally tripped over a rock and caused me to fall into the road, luckily your mom stopped or I would be a pancake.” He laughed hoping his lie would be enough to convince her that it was just an accident. A honk came from behind the car signalling an angered driver. “I better get going, watch where you step next time okay, I don't want to have to scrape you off the road.” Jess fist bumps Trent and retreats to her car.
Trent, filled with joy over his accidental encounter, finished his walk home and scurried to his room to finish his homework and lounge around. Until his father came barging into his room slamming the door open with the fury of a ravenous bear.
“TRENTON BARTHOLOMEW HAYWOOD, WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS PHONE CALL I RECEIVED!” Trent’s father was an alcoholic, when he receives any negative news about his son’s downfalls. This news in particular caused him a great deal of stress when a phone call came in explaining his son will be expelled if he misses another day of school Trent has missed eleven days of school when the maximum is ten.
“I'm sorry dad, it is just super stressful at school and sometimes I have to skip a class to keep myself from doing something bad.” His father who has obviously been drunk since the sunrise, since losing his job it caused him to spiral down into a pit of drunken despair that is almost impossible to escape. “You want to talk to me about stress boy? I have to deal with your bullshit everyday and you don't see me skipping any of my fatherly duties because I don't want to deal with you, because trust me I would have, you are the most worthless piece of shit that I have to call my son.” The colour seemed to drain from Trent’s face as his father said those words, “I may have been a bullshit son but you have no right to call yourself a dad, you have done nothing fatherly in your life, I am only like this because I didn't have a father, I had a man that doesn't know how to live his own life.” Overcome with anger his father lashes out striking Trent with the force of a thousand elephants. The torment lasted what seemed like days and when he was done he told Trent, “You're no longer my son, get out of my fucking house.”
Trent struggling to get up, grabbed his backpack and his phone and limped out of the doorway to his house. He didn't take a second look back and continued down the road unknowing of where the road will take him.
Arriving at a gas station he steps inside and uses their restroom. While inside he is hit with the smell of an unflushed toilet and the smell of stale water. He quickly pulls out his blade and starts sinking it into the ridges of his arm. Sliding it up as it creates slits that ooze the dark red liquid. The blood drips down creating a pool on the floor almost blending in with the dirt on the floor. He continues mutilating his skin desperately trying to feel the pain he believes he deserves.
His phone rings with Kyle’s number appearing on the screen. “Hey Kyle, what's going on?” Trent says desperately trying to hide the fact that he was crying only seconds earlier. “Dude Trent you have to come over man, my mom invited her coworker over for dinner and you won't believe this, it's Jess’s family, do you want me to pick you up from your place or are you going to walk?” Trent desperately trying to find the words to explain to Kyle what happened but unable to form a coherent sentence. “Could you pick me up from the convenience store by my house?”
Kyle agreed and was there in a matter of minutes, by that time Trent had bandaged and hid his cuts so Kyle couldn't see them. On the way back to Kyle’s, Trent explained what happened at his house and confided in Kyle that he had no place to stay as his last relative had passed away a month ago. Kyle offered a spot in his home for a while and he accepted.
Trent was greeted at the door by Jess and as he walked heard her mom say, “That's that kid that I was telling you about, you know, the one that I almost hit earlier today.” Trent feeling embarrassed about his failed suicide attempt escaped to the bathroom to finish what he started at the gas station, pulling out his razor to continue. When he made the first cut the door was open and Jess came walking in, “Oh I'm sorry I should have knoc---- what are you doing Trent?” Jess said worried and ran over to grab the blade out of his hand. “Jess I didn't want you to know this about me, please don't look at me differently I'm sorry.” Jess fought the blade out of his hands and closed the door, “You idiot, these could get infected It's okay I know how to bandage them properly, I've learned from mine.” “Yours? Jess do you cut?” Trent asked surprised. “I used to but I have moved on and I've been clean for over a year, here let me patch this up for you.”
Jess proceeded to clean and bandage the wounds while Trent was trying to wrap his head around the information he just received. The girl of his dreams went through the same struggle he is going through now and she didn’t give it a second thought as to why he felt the way he did. She understands the pain and struggle he is going through “If you don’t mind me asking, why didn’t you ask me why I was cutting or immediately run off?” Trent asked while he was looking at the perfectly wrapped arm. “Well Trent, back when I was facing the troubles I was facing I remember how it would always make me upset when I had to explain myself to others. I don’t want to expose you for what you do if it would put you in an uncomfortable situation. This will stay between us but please try not to do it again, if you feel like you need to call me first because I am concerned and want to help.” Trent gave a look of concern and turned to look away, “I don’t like asking my friends for help. It makes me feel like a bother and that I am not strong enough to live if I need to rely on others.” “Listen Trent, you are a lion, strong and fierce. You can do anything you set your mind to and even if that means you need a little help every now and again then that’s okay. I always want to help because you’re my friend and if you ever need me to bandage you again just tell me and I will do it, no questions asked.”
Jess gave trent the warmest hug he has ever received and walked out of the room to join the others in the dining room. Kyle’s house wasn’t the fanciest but he did live in the rich part of town, the walls were laced with pictures of his family travels, some included their trip to Italy and Japan. Kyle’s parents both worked at the city hall and had earned respective titles. When Trent entered the room he was hit with the smell of seasoned fried chicken and the ripe smell of green beans, the smell that overpowered it all was that of Mrs. Hanson’s homemade gravy and potatoes. “Well well, where have you two been, dinner's almost ready and boy does it smell good,” Jess’s mom, Mrs. Robinson, said as the two entered the room. “Sorry mom, Trent was showing me the story he’s writing for the Teen Writing Contest, he did really well on it.” Trent had told Jess about his application to the contest and was really excited to hear back from the judges. He wishes he hadn’t been so rejectful this morning and was planning on calling Mr Placker after dinner to see if he could still accept the award.
“That’s awesome, Trent I didn’t know you were a writer, Jess has told me a lot about you but I have never met you in person. What was your story about?” “It was about the struggle of a wolf abandoned by his parents while he was still a pup and he fought his battles to survive in the harsh wilderness. Against all odds he makes it out with a family but dies trying to save his pups from a elder wolf.” Trent had written this story with real life inspiration, he based the story of the pup off his own experiences off the feeling of abandonment his dad laid upon him since he never referred to Trent as his own son except for when he was ridiculing him for being a failure. He hoped his story would ignite a light in himself and give him inspiration to keep fighting the battle with depression so he could be victorious and live a life of happiness.
“That sounds like a very interesting story sweetie, I hope you do well in your contest, you know Jess used to be a little writer too, she even has a book published.” “Mom stop, that book is so embarrassing, it made no sense I wrote it when I was thirteen, that was 4 years ago.” Jess said laughing, her face flushed a shade of strawberry red signaling the embarrassment that was setting in. “I bet it wasn’t too bad, I would love to read it if you still have a copy. It can’t be any worse than my early works and I’m still not a good writer as it is.” Trent states as he fills his plate with the delectable home cooked food ready to dig in and satisfy his out of control taste buds and fill his empty stomach.
Dinner went off without a hitch and ended with the explosion of laughter after Trent explains a story of his childhood when he spilt a glass of water and used the cat to wipe up the mess .With the end to a good night the Robinson’s departed with Jess reminding Trent that she will always be a phone call away and she hugged him and left.
“Dude what was that? You just got a hug from the girl that you have had a crush on for years.” Kyle said sprinting over to him to give him a high five “Indeed I did my brother Kyle. Let us forget about what is happening in the present and focus on the future.” Trent talks to Kyle in a very european voice when he is happy, “Well it’s good to know you're back on planet Earth with the rest of us I was starting to get worried for a minute.” Kyle said pulling Trent into a hug. The boys explained the situation to Kyle’s parents, “Oh my dear,that is horrible, and they have to fumigate the entire house for a week? Of course you can stay here, I hope those black widows didn’t follow you.” The guys lied to his mom because Trent didn’t feel comfortable explaining the situation another time tonight.
“That buys us a week to figure out how to explain this to my parents.” Kyle gestured to Trent to follow him back to his room so they can discuss the new episode of their favourite television show, The Flash. The boys have been fans of super heroes since they were young when they purchased a first edition of The Flash issue number 43. Surprisingly both getting the same issue even though they were separated. Kyle even went as the Flash for halloween last year. Trent wishes he had the Flash’s speed so he could run as fast and far away from this hell and escape his depression. He could run away to paradise and live a problem free life Live a life where nobody knows him and he could be happy.
Kyle still doesn’t know about the problems Trenton is facing, he doesn’t know the emptiness he feels on a daily basis like he’s the burnt fry at the bottom of the bag, rejected and alone. The feeling started out as a small blip on his radar but after several days, even months it expanded and multiplied into the unbearable darkness it is today. There are moments of shine when he believes nothing in the world can stop his happiness from glowing but given a few moments it diminishes into the void it has become.
The constant fear of being left and forgotten by the most important people in his life is what gives Trenton the most anxiety, it causes him to fear everything that he does in a chance that it might ruin the only things good left in his miserable existence. This comes from an experience Trent had in middle school, when he had possibly the best friendship he has ever had with a person. He would spend all day and night talking to them without any care in the world, he was happier than he could ever be but that all changed when he received that fateful phone call from his friend’s mother.
“Trenton, are you there?” his mom said in a voice that seemed to crack every syllable. “Yes Mrs Peirce, I’m here is everything alright? Why the call?” Trent asked in a worried voice concerned that something had gone wrong in the family. “Trenton it’s awful and I really don’t know how to say this but… But… Adrian has past away, he killed himself this morning, we don’t know why but he left a note addressed to you, will you come and get it, my baby boy is gone.” She said as she hung up the phone Trent could hear the sorrow in her voice as she spoke as if her one thing she cared about in life was taken away from her which is true. Her only child was taken from the world way too soon and Trent was about to find out why.
He arrived at his friend’s home to see a squad of cop cars and ambulances outside, tears were rolling down his cheek at the realization that his only friend was really gone. His tears felt like tiny needles drag across his face tearing pieces off as it went. Finally reaching the front door after a walk that felt like miles but was only a few feet from his bike. He felt his chest tighten as he approached the door knowing he would regret seeing what’s inside and fearing what has become of his best friend. He entered knowing he could not turn away and run now, that he has to face it head on Hopefully the letter will shed some light on his friend’s passing and give. Trent the closure he desperately needed. He quickly grabbed the letter from Mrs Peirce and runs out of the room as he did not want to get stuck listening to the details of his friend’s tragic death.
He returned home to tell his parents of the tragedy that has happened and his parents gave him their deepest condolences not truly understanding the pain that he was going through. He raced to his room desperate to know what his friends final words to him were. When he opened the letter he didn’t know that it would change his life forever and would ignite the spark that would develop into the forest fire of depression he lives with today, that his biggest fear is based off.
I am not sorry that I have decided to leave you on this occasion, now that I’m gone I feel like I should tell you my honest and true thoughts I have been hiding since the day we met.
When I first noticed you you were all alone, I felt bad because you had no one After getting to know you I now know why, you are one of the most annoying and clingy sacks of shit I ever met. You talk to me every chance you get and most of the time I just want to be left alone. You're the main reason I have decided to leave, I can't live in this world with an annoying trash can like you always pestering in my business and not giving me a space of solitude I didn't have the guts to tell you this in person because I didn't want to hurt you but in death I want you to know that I always hated you and the only reason I stuck around was because I didn't want to feel responsible if you died. Everything you say is just annoying I don't even know why you try to talk, it should be you going into the ground not me because if you weren't in my life then I would still be here
This letter written by his only friend who he once admired and aspired to be had crushed his only dream, to be loved by someone. He wasn't loved by a single soul until he met Adrian, when the friendship started he believed that he finally had someone to confide in, he never knew that Adrian hated him, that Adrian felt sorry for him and never cared and that's what sparked the unending flame of depression and abandonment.
He cried for days, the torture caused by Adrian’s passing haunted him day and night, every time he closed his eyes the words of the letter flashed across his mind like a blinking neon sign, a sign of his failure as a friend and human being. That's when he made the biggest change in his life. That's when he decided to swipe the blade across his skin for the first time in his life. He would always hear stories and wonder why someone would ever cause that pain on themselves and ruin their clean body leaving unrecoverable scars that constantly remind you of your pain. Then after his first encounter with the blade he found out why they would endure the scars and constant reminders of their troubles. The cuts gave him a sense of relief, allowing to feel something when for days he felt nothing but hate, that pain he knew he truly deserved. No one knew about his cutting until the night Jess found out. He should give her a call.
He dials her number, the number he memorized by heart the moment her received it. Not knowing if she would answer but had all the hope in the world.
“Hello, what's up Trent?” a groggy Jess said clearly being woken up by the late night call. “Hey Jess, I just wanted to call you and tell you that tonight was good it really helped me out, I don't think I've ever smiled that much in my life.” Trent said jokingly, wondering if he should confront her about his encounter with Mr. Placker earlier that morning. “Jess, I have something important to tell you, earlier this morning when they called me to the office. That was to tell me that I won the writing contest.” “What no way, what did you win, I'm so proud,” Jess said ecstatically overjoyed, he could see her cheers of joy stream out of the speaker. “That's the thing, I rejected the award, I told him to give it to someone else I don't deserve to win a prestigious award I declined my win.” “What? Why would you do that? You deserve nothing else than the best Trent, you're the best writer I've ever met and I really connect with your stories. Honestly I could read them everyday and not get bored of them. You deserve that award, can you call him and reclaim it?” Jess asked. “I'm not sure I guess I could give it a try I have his number saved in my phone from the website.” “Well, you give him a call and try get that award, I wish the best for you and goodnight,” Jess hangs up without another word.
Speedily dialing the number of Mr. Placker he prepares his speech inside his head, “You have reached the voice mailbox of, Jaden Placker, at the tone please leave your message,” a voice recording said in its monotonous charming voice. “Hello Mr. Placker, my name is Trenton Haywood, you met me this morning when you told me I won the contest but I denied the honor of accepting the award. I was wondering if I would be able to retract my statement and receive the award, please get back to me as soon as you can, I apologize for the inconvenience, thank you and goodbye.” Trent hung up the phone letting out a sigh of regret, he wishes he could go back and graciously accept the award. His biggest mistake today was blowing it off like it was nothing. Hopefully he still has a chance to redeem himself and prove to himself that he can accomplish something. He plops onto the couch for another night of sleepless web surfing on his phone thinking over his thoughts.
The next morning he is greeted with a good morning text from Jess. “Good morning Trent, I hope you have an amazing day, remember that you mean so much to me and I will always be here for you no matter what, see you at lunch pal” Trent smiled at the message giving him a feeling of warmness he rarely feels anymore, after giving a response of gratitude he got ready for another shitty day at school.
Arriving at the place he calls hell he was greeted by the principal who asked to meet him in his office during lunch, although he was sad he wouldn't be able to see Jess he complied knowing the consequences could be dire. When arriving at the main office he was once again tortured by the secretary’s horrible smelling perfume but luckily got into the principal’s office quickly.
“Mr Haywood, it has come to my attention that you, one of our best students academically, have missed over the maximum allowed days in the school year How could you do that in only the first quarter? You have so much promise and have the best chance out of your class to have a successful future. Why would you throw that away to ditch a few hours of school?” The Principal asked in a serious tone that sent shivers down Trent’s spine like he was listening to an out of tune piano at a professional concert. “You see Mr. Lansley, I deal with a bunch of problems and those problems make me divulge in episodic behaviours that prevent me from completing my coursework in an orderly fashion so I have to take a day to reevaluate my position so it allows me to focus on my school work.” Trenton calmly said as he struggled with all his might to not break down in front of his principal and tell him everything that causes his grief and absences. He feels like it would be better if no one knew what he was going through so they don't see him as lesser. “Trent, I'm going to give it to you straight, I see a future in you but you have to stop taking these personal days because you're tired. Your grades are more important, so I'm not going to reset your absence report so don't miss class again or you're out of here, you have a chance to be somebody, don't throw that away because you think you're stressed out, you're a teenager, you don't get stressed. Now get out of my office.” With that Trent proceeded to exit the office feeling the urge to draw his own blood one more time but resisting to the best of his abilities. He can't believe the principal, the highest authority in school, didn't care about his mental well being. The only thing Mr. Lansley cares about is his academic record, which isn't bad but does leave him with the sense that he is a complete fuck up because he didn't put his education first. He decides to return to the lunch room hoping the last fifteen minutes of lunch with Jess can brighten his mood like many times before.
“That’s bullshit,” Jess exclaimed, “A person in authority shouldn't put unnecessary pressure on you to be the best and force you to push beyond your reasonable limits. That’s how you break down and unable to perform even daily tasks, seriously this is fucked up and I wish I had the guts to march up to the office and voice my opinion. It’s going to be okay Trent.” Jess says while putting her arm around Trent that sends a wave of shock through his body when he feels her loving arm around him. He never truly felt emotions like these before and he is incapable of forming coherent words to describe the warmth he is feeling inside of him. “Jess, just let it go, there's no way to take back what he said because it's already been stated, the only thing we can do is move on and hope this situation doesn't arise again. Lord knows I couldn't handle it the first time, I almost lost control while sitting in his office, the air stenched of his food from lunch, mainly the smell of overcooked broccoli. “Whatever you say T, hey, my mom was wondering if you’d like to come over for dinner tonight. She really likes you and wants to involve you in our family. I don't know why though she never likes anyone so I guess it's good she likes you, my best friend.” Trent froze at those words, best friend was the two words he dreaded to hear come out of Jess’s mouth, this locked him in the friendzone and everyone knows it's impossible to escape once you're in. “Yeah that sounds great, I would love to, I'll see you tonight I guess,” Trent said still frozen like a statue in a silent museum. “Awesome, I can’t wait, I'll see you tonight Trent.” With that she exited the table with the signature fist bump and took off to her next class, Trent just sat there trying to wrap his head around what just happened.
Throughout the rest of his day his ears were ringing with the words best friend playing on repeat almost as if it were a record that has been severely scratched. Unable to focus on his school work he decided to write himself a letter,
You have severely fucked up, the girl of your dreams sees you as nothing more than just a friend. It's your fault that she doesn't like you, you aren't the perfect guy that everyone dreams about, heck you're not even average, you have the worst personality that anyone has ever experienced, even Adrian thought so. You should get used to being lonely because you'll never know what it’s like to have that feeling of self love I don't even know why you're still here. Nobody really cares about you, not even the highest authority who only cares about getting a good paycheck, you should just leave.
This channeling of his emotions gave Trent a bit of relief and calmed his nerves, hopefully his feeling of relief will remain with him until his dinner with the Robinson’s. As he was walking to Kyle’s car his phone suddenly rang and up popped the number to Mr. Placker, maybe he has good news.
“Hello, this is Trenton, how may I help you?” Trent asked curious as to how he was going to respond. “Mr Haywood, I got your message and I am so sorry but we have already given the awards to the runner up, I'm afraid it's too late to accept I apologize, you can try again next year.” Trent’s heart sank, he felt the little joy he had left exit his body, fleeing from the news he just received. He knew that his biggest mistake now had consequences, leaving him numb on the inside and out. “Thank you for your time Mr Placker I have to go now, hopefully next year is different.” Trent hangs up the phone, standing paralyzed like he was facing down a king cobra. He didn't know how to handle his news but he sauntered to the car unable to form his own thoughts with the constant thought running through his head, you're a failure, he thought.
He reached the car after what felt like ages and probably was, “Where have you been man, I've been waiting here forever?” Kyle asked, annoyed at his friend's absence since he was desperate to leave. “Oh you know, just getting invited to Jess’s house for dinner, no biggie. You should totally give me a ride, like right now, here's her address.” He says, trying to convince himself that everything was alright and when he got to Jess’s that he could confide in her the problems he is facing. “Dude nice, I'll drive you over there, just be sure to get that kiss,” Kyle laughed as he pulled out of the parking lot to Jess’s place.
They pulled up to Jess’s house, it was painted white with brown trimming, it had a very luxurious look that was very pleasing to the eye, he wished he could one day own something this nice.
He could feel his heart racing at the excitement of seeing Jess, he couldn't wait to tell her everything that's going on, he finally feels like he has someone he can tell his problems to without the fear of abandonment or feeling judges by his every sentence.
He knocks on the door and is greeted by the smiling shining face of Mrs Robinson. “Good Evening dear, I'm so glad you were able to make it, please come in, I'm sure Jess is ready to see you, she's been talking non stop about the influence you have on her.” She said inviting him in Trent seemed puzzled at the fact that he was an influence at Jess, he never heard such news and was curious as to how he influenced her. Which sent a story into his mind which spiraled into a negative story about how he influences her self harm and depression because of his self harm. He gets an upset feeling in stomach signifying that his feelings were taking control of his body, influencing him in a negative way. Hopefully Jess could set this feeling right and give him some insight about the meaning of her words.